Category: Uncategorized


One word: Kanye

Only a twenty something marketing exec would say that Kanye is “clearly very talented.”   Nobody else on EARTH would say something as patently absurd as this. Well, kids might.

What.  Are you ELEVEN?

Put ANY instrument in this man’s hands and he will make fool of himself (including a microphone).  In the history of recorded “music” there has never been a bigger fool or anyone LESS talented.  He is the personification of everything gone WRONG with the music industry.   Celebrity over talent, auto correct over vocal ability.  If there is one talent he could arguably possess it is his ability to use the “auto correct” technology, no wait, that would be his engineer, not him.  Push this button, ok we’re done, lets go collect our grammy.

Yes, to a marketing executive, Kanye is the most brilliant “artist” to ever walk this earth.  Marketing executives salivate uncontrollably like Pavlov’s proverbial dog, but to say the man is “clearly very talented” reveals a complete dork sensibility and utter cluelessness about music.  Just sad.

I don’t like to bash fellow artists or talk shit, but this is going too far.  Enough is enough.  Look!  The emperor has no clothes!  Someone has to say it.  Might as well be me.
Someone recently asked Quincy Jones about the state of the music business today, his response?  “Honey, there IS no music business”.

There are two levels to his response.  #1 the sales income for the vast majority of record releases today, to someone like Quincy Jones would be chump change and nothing more.  #2  Almost nobody is actually making MUSIC technically speaking (subjectively OR objectively), in fact, almost none of these “artists” are even musicians now!  They know much more about business than music, they know much more about marketing than music, they are celebrities not artists.  It’s the apocalypse, and it’s happening now.

I love hiphop music, in fact, hiphop is the most exciting  thing to happen to music in a really long time, but Kanye?  Macklemore?  I have to draw the line somewhere and here’s where I draw it.  These are historic lows, absolutely devoidafunk as George Clinton would certainly say.  Ice Cube, YES.  Kanye, nope.

Depleted Uranium

I imagine it steaming in a pile in a dark cave.  Occasional sparks might leap from it like screaming fleas bursting into flames.  Cavemen would avoid that corner of the cave with an annoyed grunt, maybe the odd old caveman would pee on it and then wave his glowing penis around at his cavemates gleefully.

“OG pee on strange pile.  Look how OG’s pee pee GLOW! BEHOLD my glowing penis! BEHOLD!”
His pee would also glow and he would put on peeing light shows at night to the delight of his cavemates.

Once a rat, in quiet desperation decided to nibble on the glowing pile and became a magical glow rat.  The other rats suddenly had a newfound respect for the rat and would step aside when he passed.

A brown bear once decided to scoop up a handful of the strange pile, and became a glow bear.  At once feared and admired, the other bears would watch him from afar as he glowed in the distance and was now easily spotted and tracked.

“Ok, look, THERE he is.  Over there by that pine see him?  He’s brighter than the MOON now!”

Move over MOON!  Glow bear is here!

Thousands of years in the future, advanced aliens might find the pile.  “Look Zeptar!  These dumb ass humans left a pile of depleted URANIUM here in the corner of this cave.  What a moronic species.  Lets go ahead and clean it up for them and jettison the stuff into a volcano or something.  Why didn’t they drop this in a volcano, they seem to have plenty of them.  Maybe that’s not a good idea it might blast the radiation out the top.  Better yet, why make it in the first place.  What savages.  What a savage species.”

“Yes, Penomicon, I feel disgusted.”

An 18th century priest once travelled into the future and tried to bless the pile.  “Bless this unholy pile of depleted Uranium.  May it decay quickly and without delay.  May it remain undiscovered here in this cave and let no man unwittingly step in this pile lest he be afflicted and stricken with illness.  May the ocean never wash it out to sea to harm the innocent fish and other beautiful creatures.  May this unholy pile rot in silence and ward away even the most curious cricket.  While we’re at it, bless those spent plutonium rods cooling in the now highly toxic water in Fukushima.  How this isn’t front page news every day right now is beyond me.  In my time, we’d be making very lengthy scrolls on this subject to be sure.

One day, a drunk caveman sat on the pile thinking it was a surrealist chair.  Of course, his butt glowed after that which was the subject of song and tale for generations.

“Remember ol glow butt?  What a site he was.  We always sent him first in the expeditions so everyone could stay on track, but since he was a sad drunk, he would wander off the path.  One time he led us all into a swamp.  Ultimately he wandered off a cliff and a few of our dumbest men followed him!  We always send the dumbest ones first on expeditions, we call them ‘trail bait’.

“OKAY BLUTHOR!  YOU can take POINT!”

“Really?  Me?  I get to go FIRST?  What an HONOR sir.  THANK YOU sir. THANK YOU!”

If an ancient egyptian scholar stumbled upon the pile, he would instantly know what it was and keep his distance.  He would leave extensive runes to warn others of the perils.  “Stay back!  Do not approach this pile.  Keep your distance!”  “Beware!”  “Warning!”

Sadly, the ancient symbols would be misinterpreted to mean, “Poke this pile with your finger and see what happens!” or “I am a pet rock, take me home for your children to play with”  or “For a good time, insert penis”.

If you listen carefully you can here it weeping.  Weeping for its depleted spent cells.  Sobbing to be whole again and replenished.   Crying out “Why?  Why?  Why?”

I’m not really a blogger so much as a short story writer.
Still, as an important part of any bloggers wordy journey thru blogville, I think charitable groups of note should get a plug at the very least.  This one is very cool.

www.givelove.org

Support the site and help those in need after this massive disaster in Haiti.
Its a class act top to bottom in my estimation, and a very creative act of
charity.

I love to see things repurposed in clever ways, I’m fascinated by
people building yachts out of trash, and people building homes out of
interesting things.

A charity organization that pursues a creative solution like this
would probably be interested in other creative efficient ideas anyone
might come up with so if you think of something brilliant, tell someone
your idea, there’s alot of folks who are INTO hearing your creative
ideas nowadays, and some of them actually do it!

I love the idea of a planet utilizing the collective brain power and will power to accomplish heroic acts of charity.

I think Richard Branson or the Elders offered alot of money to anyone that can figure out a way to reverse ozone depletion somehow, and ALOT of people are working on that in very creative ways right now.

I remember reading how someone proposed re-purposing an oil tanker and turning it into a floating hospital to moor off the coast of Haiti and treat patients on the boat.  Its a great idea but…how much exactly would it cost to transform an oil tanker into a hygenically clean modern hospital facility of historic size and scope? and exactly how long would THAT take.  I love that idea. Maybe it was an oil rig offshore…either way.

I love the ideas.

I have been hearing lots of super creative ideas to help disaster victims over the years, but these givelove.org people are really doing something super cool and industrious.  Its great to see people helping others in need and celebrities giving of themselves to such worthy causes with really smart ideas that work.

So give what you can and help this worthy cause, I think they have a very clever concept here.

What kind of blogger would I be if I didn’t send a shout out to some cool charities along the way?  I plan on featuring a cool charity whenever I feel like it, and maybe even follow up on it later as I learn more.

Mostly I write fictional short stories
but for the NON-fictional portion of our show
and those of you who are looking for a worthy cause or charity group to help out
with their mission, I highly recommend and endorse givelove.org
in this installment of my NON-fictional blog.